


Questions

by shadowsamurai



Category: Babylon 5
Genre: Gen, Introspection, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-21
Updated: 2012-06-21
Packaged: 2017-11-08 06:34:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/440216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shadowsamurai/pseuds/shadowsamurai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Companion piece to 'Answers'. Questions and answers - one always leads to the other, no end in sight.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Questions

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers for Season 1, set between Episode 16 'Eyes' and Episode 17 'Legacies'. Also Season 4 'Atonement' and/or the film 'In The Beginning'.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, I'm just borrowing things for a while and I promise I'll put everything back exactly how I found it when I've finished. Well, almost exactly how I found it. ;)

B5-B5-B5-B5-B5-B5

I do not know what made me ask Commander Sinclair - he must be the Commander again now as I am unsure whether we will remain friends in the months to come - to put his head in my lap. It was a moment of madness, perhaps, or a moment of clarity.

Since the Earth-Minbari War, I have been fascinated with humans. I want to know all I can about them. What makes them…what is the human phrase? What makes them tick? How do they react in different situations and why do they act that way?

The Commander in particular fascinates me. Even though he is not fully in touch with his self, he shows compassion and understanding at almost every turn. He leads with his heart, yet he does not understand why. I could have told him earlier, but it was not the right time. Perhaps, before things change, I will have the chance to explain.

Change. It scares and excites me; does that me any less of a Minbari? We are taught from an early age that emotion has no place in decision making, that we must lead with our heads. But the times when that has occurred have been scarce; in many ways, we are no different from the humans we fought against. Emotion dictated the start of that war; *my* emotions.

No, change is the only way forward, of that I am certain. I must be certain; to have doubts now would be inviting the future to fail. I must be strong, though at times it is not easy.

I am glad it was Lieutenant Commander Ivanova that saw me with the Commander this morning, and not Lennier. He would not understand, and I worry he will not understand the changes that will occur in the near future. I have hope he will try to comprehend why I must do what I must do; I have hope he will keep an open mind.

And I know I can trust Lieutenant Commander Ivanova; I have no doubt that by now, she will have 'forgotten' the incident. She is remarkably loyal to the Commander, not just because he is the commanding officer, but because he is a friend. Humans are not so different from Minbari at times either.

I look at the item I have been building. Each layer represents something, each crystal and piece of the structure has a meaning. I lift my hand up and run it over my head, marvelling once more at how smooth it is. Most Minbari do not have facial hair of any kind, and those that do are treated alternately with great respect and fear. There is not explanation yet as to why a few Minbari have this hair; it is yet another inconsistency of my people I find fascinating.

I think of the Commander and how his hair felt under my fingers. I thought it would be coarse and rough, not pleasant to touch at all. But I was wrong. It was soft and to run my fingers through it was relaxing, to myself as well as the Commander.

My fingers now on my own head, I wonder what it would be like to have hair, and I wonder if I will ever know. At least now, I understand in part why the humans crave tactile contact with others. It gives them a sense of peace and comfort, and it diminishes the sense of loneliness. We Minbari sometimes need such contact, but rarely do we seek it out.

The Commander came to me looking for answers, but instead he found peace and comfort, and a diminished sense of loneliness, at least for a short time. I have no doubt he still has questions, but he knows now that seeking answers to them is not the most important thing in his life.

But I have found myself with more questions, mostly about myself. Is there another way? Is my decision the right one, regardless of what my heart tells me? Where does my future lie? Is it here, with Babylon 5 and the humans? Or is it back on Minbar, or even with the Grey Council?

Questions, it seems, are everywhere and the quest for answers is one that will consume my life.

FIN


End file.
